People are unbelievable… It doesn’t matter how good you are, how much you try being there and helping, things have to be their way and as they like. If you slip from their main course, then you get all the annoyed glances and you become the devil. Cést la vie… I get tired of receiving so much hate and spurn just because, and all the while as I try my best to help. I go out of my way, just because I want to, just because I care. For what? It is no wonder that people these days help noone… There is no smile, no thank you, no trying making lemonade out of lemons. One gets tired. I am tired. It is not enough that I am not feeling well, that I lack physical strength and stamina, that I am sleepless and in need of rest, that I have many things to solve in a short period of time… It is not enough whatever is going on with me and with my psyche. Who really cares about it? Those in need get the help they need, and then they bargain for more and more. Actions that have no reason for being, stupidity at its greatest… taking no care and no note of the givers and what they may feel… I am angry, oh yes… And with all the right in the world. Being weak, being sick, being sad, being impaled by the world and work… it all takes a toll. And when all you do is help and help and help and all you get are smart ass remarks and un-thoughtful actions and words, you begin to wonder. I have known better than to listen to the words of someone who is hurt and who wants to take revenge on the world, but enough is enough! I don’t deserve any of what I get, and still I put my best attitude towards solving problems, and I keep on helping. I am getting the point of those whom I help but they really don’t want any help, but to keep on in their shit forever and ever. The moment I realize you mean everything you don’t work for, you will get nothing whatsoever from me, no time, no smile, nothing. I’ve given opportunities plenty, and solutions by the minute. But I am the only one interested in making life fruitful and worth living. It is a big shame. It saddens me beyond reason. I hope I don’t get to the point of actually believing I wasted my time in every sense. So many years, so much care, so much concern, so many guidelines, so many advises, so many experiences… I couldn’t have wasted my time. Something must have stuck… Something…
So much talk about so called friends and in the end the only one that truly makes a difference there is me… the bitchy hag, the one that won’t laugh at the jokes, the one that is too serious, the one that preaches prudence and progress through work and knowledge. Through the years the villain of the movie is always the one that speaks the truth, fearlessly. Seasons change easily, as well as today’s codes of living… I live for honor, truth, faith, loyalty, friendship, love… And so, that is my downfall. For in this world you cannot give everything… for the world will take your life eagerly, and then some more.
10-4
