Ch 6.3 Sadness

Alex has some mayor issues within himself, and it truly reaps my heart... He thinks he has no purpose in life, and he is lost in bad thoughts... Oh, my dear elf... How much I wish I could hold you tight and let you know that everything will be alright? How much I would like to help you carry your burdens, how much I would like to drive while you sleep for a while... I love you in the purest sense of the word... And I cannot rech you and let you know... I feel I am caged in a cristal box where my words to the outside are muted and my touch is alenated and all I can do is dream and pray... I love you. You never walk alone. Ever.

Chapter 6.2 Valentines Day 2005

Hmm… Valentine’s day was crappy as usual. At least this time I was not dissappointed because I didn’t expect flowers or gifts. Co-workers gave plenty of candy. And we did a Valentines Bash, but besides that no personal celebration… Sti gave me a merengue and a card that was really cute and talked about our friendship. Lucinda called to say congrats… Gil called to invite me for dinner but didn’t bother to wish me a happy V day… Alex left a merry Xmas message… Oh, well… I guess that this day is as important as a friggin cold... I cannot say I miss flowers or a ring or a necklace or a special something because I’ve never had that. Yup… 31 years and no, I have not received anything romantic from anyone… And I have not been told that I mean the world to someone… I only got one gift I gave myself, a pulpito with a heart that reads I love you… Yes, I love myself. I am the only one that remembers myself and praises myself… I wish I had a mate that shared interests and details and love… But somehow the wishing has left me numb… It is the first valentine that I don’t cry. I gave up on love… seems that I truly have… Gil doesn’t fight for me, Steve doesn’t desire me and Alex doesn’t want to deal with me… So… Yes, I am destined to be the lady with a thousand cats, and no lord. So be it.

Ch 6 Broken

My heart broke... Alex did the final blow so it would finally be destroyed. So... No words can describe things now... No words...

Ch 5.6 HIM

Each time we talk it is sad, and it makes me remember the old times... whenever our conversations ended with that bitter-sweet taste, and then we found out it was because we needed each other... At least by then... Ah, the bitter-sweet taste... How lovely, how deep... My elf, if you could come back to me... If I could turn back time... We would all be happy and well, just because you'll stay...

Chapter 5.5

I've always been in love with the Psionic. It would be the greatest gift for me if after all this time he would finally allow himself to give me a chance, so we can have a sound forever. But that is wishful thinking. He won't trust me as a woman, ever. He won't accept Sti living with me until he finishes, and he won't accept me having a friendship with Gil. I would give everything to be part of his world, truly... But I cannot give up who I am and my beliefs... If only he would let go of what was and see that in the eve of both our selfdestructions, we were made for each other... to pick each other's pieces and support each other as no one else can... (sigh)... I wish for an unknown galaxy, I know... That's why I no longer even count him as part of my greatest dreams, because just thinking about it is too much... I know him... I know how much he felt back then, and he had to get himself rid off the deepest feeling... My savior... My light in the darkness... My inspiration... The one that will never be... The greatest nothing that ever happenned to me...