Implosions...

Simple things… turned complicated… turned insane… Communication, an art lost in the vaults of the Darkside. A range of emotions, from happy to sad to angry to mad, all in less than a minute… That’s how life is turning. Sense of responsibility? Who has ever heard of that? And how about if you say you will do something, you should simply do it… For the sake of being true… For the sake of looking good at least! Two items: Electricist and BabyShower. It all has been irritating because people don’t get that if you can’t do something, simply say NO.

So, what’s supposed to be a bliss turned out a big stress… Don’t know if I will actually have people in my house, as the diversity of opinions is amusing… and irritating. Family knew NOTHING of the shower, but co-workers have confirmed the assistance… Friends? Any left? It’s frustrating and disappointing. I should have taken the reigns of it all… Big mistake leaving to people the deeds you should do yourself, so you know that they are all done right. The thing being in my house is a stress itself because I have no water, and there are still many things to fix up. Outside it all looks like a wreck. Inside, it looks in bad shape. Cleaning is not done… Raven expected Coriolis to come today to do the miracles, and neither she has even bothered calling nor she had contacted him. So… more left to thin air. My co-workers are going… I hope somehow food & drinks appear… And I honestly hope that since it is a Chronicle of a Foreseen Flop, that noone shows up to that mess. HOW CAN YOU PLAN A BABY SHOWER AND NOT TELL THE FAMILY? IT’S INSANE!!!!!HOW CAN YOU PLAN SOMETHING IN SOMEONE’S HOUSE AND NOT LET THAT SOMEONE KNOW THE DATE AND TIME!!! If all has been a charade to mislead me, KUDOS! I have been completely misled. BUT IT DOES’NT FEEL LIKE IT IS A MISLEADING JOKE, and so, my stress levels and frustration and disappointment and sadness have increased exponentially. A baby shower should be a gathering that makes you happy… not feel like crap. So far, my personal shower seems a bad omen… Try surprising me for real… The other shoers, simple gatherings at work, were perfect. The mage’s colleagues were very kind with him. My colleagues prepared a simple but funny thing I loved. And THAT is what it should all be about. So… Let’s see how my best friends impress me… So far, the drama has been amazing.

Anthems

Been mad, been insane, been possed, been emotional, been irrational, been beyond tired, been used and abused, been deceived, been stepped on, been betrayed... Past life sucks much.

Been loved, been cared for, been taken care of, been understood, been treated with respect, been adorned, been adored, been listened to, been admired, been praised, been acknowledged, been accepted, been changed forever... Present and Future seems too much of a mild dream, a dreamscape that brings me to a Garden of Eden where there are no prohibited fruits, where trust and love and compassion and faith and joy and valor and belief rules.

Can't complain about love, as I have found all I was looking for, so many years later... after being stabbed so many times by those who claimed to be my allies and lovers and friends. True love found me when I lost everything, when all i wanted was to live so I die... when hope abandoned me and there was no escape from the grasps of isolation and complete loneliness. Rebirth. I was reborn thanks to a leap of fate that changed everything I knew... No longer do I stand alone. I belong. And so i savor everyday with its joys and woes, finally getting to the conclusion that nothing really matters except truly living in the hands of LOVE in its most pure sense.

So, now to the laments...

-Home improvement rot. Inhumanly possible to fix all that needs to be fixed in my house. Need a plumber, an electrician, a handyman... and most importntly, cash to do it all. bathroom not working, cistern not bringing water to 2nd floor, ceiling of stairs pouring water each time it rains, baby's room not even started... Amd wilderness fucking it all up outside. Ugh! Help!

-Craving to complete home decor, but until the basics are fixed this one is a dream...

-Utilities rising in price... And so, still no cable and no DSL. So much for civilization...

-Nutricious diet anoying me to the bone, especially since I really want a piece of frosted cake and can get none...

-Baby arriving within 8 weeks... And still, I have nothing for her, but unconditional love...

-Carless for this week, thanks to people being so informal and irresponsible... even when you are actually paying them for their work!

-Stupidity from people that are suppossed to be supportive and that call themselves your friends.

-More stupidity from your best friends...

-Even more stupidity from family and co-workers... GET A LIFE PEOPLE!!!

-Not enough cash for decent gothic oriented pregnancy glothing... O keep looking like earthmother on a rampage or as the spirit of Xmas on July... Ugh!

-Not enough rest

-Not enough time and energy to do what i wanted to do at aunties home...

-Not enough will to ignore everything that bothers me and simply go on...

-Did I mentioned stupidity from people?

Yeah, basically all is summed up by no money, having too much things to complete, and having too many opinions to annoy anyone's lives. So... When the material worl simply won't cut it, one is forced into seeing things in the ethereal realms... So I may not be building rainbows with my happiness, but I do acknowledge the basics:
-I am surrounded by a few friends, but it is a few that cares about me deeply
-I have a loving husband who is honest, faithful and true
-I have people who even if they annoy me, they support me
-I have brains and knowledge, and the desire to grow even more and be the greatest goddess around!
-I am about to be something I never thought possible... a mother... Scary but exciting! the closest thing to cheap cloning!
-I have God, who has always been there for me through good and bad... And has helped me survive.

And so... I may not be rich in material things, but in the ethereal... I rock!

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