"Lucky Star"

You must be my Lucky Star
'Cause you shine on me wherever you are
I just think of you and I start to glow
And I need your light
And baby you know

[Chorus:]

Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight
Starlight, [starbright] make everything all right
Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight
Starlight, [starbright] yeah

You must be my Lucky Star
'Cause you make the darkness seem so far
And when I'm lost you'll be my guide
I just turn around and you're by my side

[chorus]

Come on shine your heavenly body tonight
'Cause I know you're gonna make everything all right

You may be my lucky star
But I'm the luckiest by far

-Madonna, Lucky Star

Woes? Where? How? When? For how long?

The past week was filled with much drama... But I survived. And I think I came out stronger from it all. I am the fire entity, the phoenix, after all... Gotta burn me to ashes, so I come back in my greatest beauty. This time, the fire is so intense it turns blue, and another presence gives a second beat to the phoenix's heart...

Darkness can fall upon me, surround me, try to get me... But it cannot grasp me anymore. The mage casted such a powerful bane for all who harmed me in every way! I have been travelling through many portals with him, with each travel healing a different wound... His magic has achieved what I thought impossible, unreachable... It is actually possible to belong, it is possible to live within someone else's heart, it is possible to daydream and chase illusions,it is possible to watch ultimate beauty in the eyes of someone.

I feel faith, truth, belonging, courage, will, happiness, certainty, love, bliss... I feel at peace after so many wars... In the aftermath of so many battles and wars and chaos and conflicts... I finally stand, and so does the mage... right at my side. The unlikely pair... How things can turn out after all...

It is such an elating journey... For me it is all about discovering everything, for him is simply letting out all thet he has known for so long... He always watched over me, a silent guardian angel... never to be noticed... always there... ready to catch me if I fall, ready to silenty confort me and wipe my tears with his invisible kiss... How he managed having me only in dreams? How he managed keeping at least his highest wish intact while trying to go on in life? How could he give so much, even when he knew that he had no chance at all... A true friend... Always. Now, the truest lover I've ever had.

If this is a dream, I don't wanna wake up... Ever...

Bring me to life

"Bring Me To Life"
(feat. Paul McCoy)

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)

-Evanescence, Bring me to life

Knowledge

What is this? A witch has suddenly turned mushy, overflowing with feelings and emotions? Where is the pain? Where are the dark thoughts? Where are the chains and the daggers and the never-ending laments of a tortured soul?

Seems a powerful spell has been cast, seems that after all no pain can last forever. And now, chance has finally turned to my side bringing along what can be truly named as a soulmate. I am floored. I am speechless. I feel that everything changed, from my core… It is an unique experience to be loved for all you are, without any ties, without any doubts, without any questions… to know that what you give is dwarfed by all you get… to know that there are no mirages or tricks but soundness and peace… I never thought this could be… I never imagined… Now I know.

And I can't help but to smile at that.

Cherish

So tired of broken hearts and losing at this game
Before I start this dance
I take a chance in telling you
I want more than just romance
You are my destiny, I can't let go baby can't you see
Cupid please take your aim at me

[Chorus:]

Cherish the thought
Of always having you here by my side (oh baby I)
Cherish the joy
You keep bringing it into my life (I'm always singing it)
Cherish your strength
You got the power to make me feel good (and baby I)
Perish the thought
Of ever leaving, I never would

I was never satisfied with casual encounters
I can't hide my need for two hearts that bleed with burning love
That's the way it's got to be
Romeo and Juliet, they never felt this way I bet
So don't underestimate my point of view

[chorus]

Who? You! Can't get away I won't let you
Who? You! I could never forget to
Cherish is the word I use to remind me of your love

Romeo and Juliet, they never felt this way I bet
So don't underestimate my point of view

Who? You! Can't get away I won't let you
Who? You! I could never forget to
Cherish is the word I use to remind me of your love

[chorus]

Give me faith give me joy, my boy
I will always cherish you

-Madonna, Cherish

A kiss to build a dream on

Gimme a kiss to build a dream on
And my imagination
Will thrive upon that kiss
Sweetheart, I ask no more than this
A Kiss to build a dream on

Give me a kiss before you leave me
and my imagination
will feed my hungry heart
Leave me one thing before we part
A kiss to build a dream on

When I'm alone with my fancies
I'll be with you
Weaving romances
Making believe they're true

Oh, gimme your lips for just a moment
and my imagination
will make that moment live
Give me what you alone can give
A kiss to build a dream on

Gimme a kiss to build a dream on
And my imagination
Will thrive upon that kiss
Sweetheart, I ask no more than this
A Kiss to build a dream on

Give me a kiss before you leave me
and my imagination
will feed my hungry heart
Leave me one thing before we part
A kiss to build a dream on

When I'm alone with my fancies
I'll be with you
Weaving romances
Making believe they're true

Oh, gimme your lips for just a moment
and my imagination
will make that moment live
Give me what you alone can give
A kiss to build a dream on

-Louis Armstrong, A kiss to build a dream on

Sweet deed

Something wicked is coming this way... Or is it just me? Who knows... All I know is I like it... Whatever it is, I really like it.

The mage agreed to meet me after he got out of work. Seems he started thinking too much, as I got some messages saying that I should head home if it would be trouble, but since I just wanted to see him so badly, I went on with the plan. So, we met at a video store. It was a funny thing, as we passed by movies and I made comments on the good ones and on the picky ones… Lots of laughter involved. Especially with the Neverending Story movie… the only thing that links Coriolis with the mage… LMAO! Anyway… headed outside and had some chit-chat for a while… Until I realized it was 11:45 and I had to go away fast…

But my fast seems to be fast as in turtle fast… I arrived home and a car was there… The mage was waiting for me to arrive to make sure I was safe and sound. That was sweet… It is a detail that no one ever had with me… I’m used to be the one delivering and caring too much… It was both nice and refreshing... and touching... Talk about knighthood being dead these days... and seems he will prove anyone wrong. And teach me some lessons about it. Oh, threats or promises?

So… the talk was nice, running from funny to a bit serious to funny again. He just makes me laugh, just looking at him makes me smile. Everything is a trip… It all dispels shadows and sadness… Whenever he is around I feel I can be myself, and be certain that there is nothing wrong with it. The endless talk… Just as I like it. There is always something left to say… Many things left to say… And that’s the best part of it all…

May this lovely saga continue…

What the world needs now

What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love,
It's the only thing that there's just too little of.
What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love,
No, not just for some but for everyone.

Lord, we don't need another mountain,
There are mountains and hillsides enough to climb,
There are oceans and rivers enough to cross,
Enough to last 'til the end of time.

What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love,
It's the only thing that there's just too little of.
What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love,
No, not just for some but for everyone.

Lord, we don't need another meadow,
There are cornfields and wheatfields enough to grow,
There are sunbeams and moonbeams enough to shine,
Oh listen Lord, if you want to know...oh...

What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love,
It's the only thing that there's just too little of.
What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love,
No, not just for some oh but just for every, every, everyone.

What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love.
What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love.
What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love.

-Jackie DeShannon, What the world needs now is love

Coming out of the Dark

Why be afraid if I'm not alone
Though life is never easy the rest is unknown
Up to now for me it's been hands against stone
Spent each and every moment
Searching for what to believe

Coming out of the dark, i finally see the light now
It's shining on me
Coming out of the dark I know the love that saved me
You're sharing with me

Starting again is part of the plan
And I'll be so much stronger holding your hand
Step by step I'll make it through I know I can
It may not make it easier but I have felt you
Near all the way

Coming out of the dark, i finally see the light now
It's shining on me
Coming out of the dark I know the love that saved me
You're sharing with me

Forever, forever I stand on the rock of your love
Forever I'll stand on the rock
Forever, forever I stand on the rock of your love
Love is all it takes, no matter what we face

Coming out of the dark, i finally see the light now
It's shining on me
Coming out of the dark I know the love that saved me
You're sharing with me

-Gloria Estefan, Coming out of the dark

Delightful Mists

I’m under a charm, under a spell, and so I am clueless on actions and thoughts. This is not me, this can’t be me… Smiling just because, daydreaming just because, hoping just because… Strange… Unlikely… Unexpected…

And so the mists cover the Land with its dark embrace, and Fate plays once more with its pawns…

About wishing and hoping...

Everything is hectic, and the timing may be wrong… but who knows, it could also be the rightest time.

Zordak is a dear friend whom I have known for years… He was a kid when I met him, best friend of whom came to be a long-lasting love that only brought me pain. Zordak witnessed all the insanity, and I have always known that somewhere along the way, he fall in love with me. The details that my xbf gave me where in fact details that Zordak got for me and that my xbf would not mention… I always viewed him as a kid, for he is younger than me… 5 years, but just five years by then made a big difference. When the group divided, Zordak went a bit astray… but always managed to be around... especially at many times when I had noone to turn to, yet he stood there arms wide open to comfort me. Never judging. A soothing presence that inspired me in many ways. He’s been through many phases, one of which includes a girlfriend, perhaps the love of his life, with whom he had a baby girl… They tried to work things out, but her inconsistency about truth made him doubt too much… And so they never married. Still, he tries doing all he can for his daughter.

Well, around a month ago I sent Zordak a message, stating what I have always told people but not him… how much I admire him for he fought against all odds and did something with his life... by himself… all alone. Weeks later, as I didn’t realize that my Trillian had connected, he appears saying hello. We talked for a while, the inevitable nonsense and flirtations we always have with each other… but something went in a different way this time. Pouring out my feelings of sadness and hopelessness, turns out he feels the same way… the only difference is he has someone to live for… I don’t. And it occurred to him that I should meet him and the girl at the Mall just for fun.

Sincerely, I was not going… Too early for my agenda… But something pushed me towards it. Perhaps the fact that we chatted until 2am… So I went. In the way over the Mall he called saying he was running a bit late… and was quite surprised when he heard I said I was actually on the way. When he saw me he went around me saying “you look good, love the tshirt… the hair looks like fire”. Meeting at the mall, at first I felt surreal. The whole little train thing, watching parents do the parent stuff I am so used to thanks to Raven & crew… but as I watched Zordak interact with his Munchkin something got to me. I felt a sadness of a kind that overwhelmed me even deeper… I saw a genuine giving from his side, I saw that something was missing in there as well, and I felt an urgent need just to take him into my arms and make him feel everything could fall in place. Of course I didn’t do that, I didn’t show any emotion as a matter of fact… I just followed quietly… little by little warming up to actually smile and joke around, just as old times…

But something went in an unexpected way… His warmth and openness made me understand that it was true that the kid had grown up, and yet he remained the same in many things… which I always liked of him. His mildness, compassion, kindness… He keeps his odd ways, but they are part of him… It’s like Captain Jack Sparrow… He wouldn’t be himself without his mannerisms… I enjoyed Zordak’s company very much. Not only he makes me feel wanted, he lets me KNOW with many demeanours that may seem like simple nothings to people but are details for me. We match in our outlook and goals for progress, plus there is a mutual respect that is inspiring in itself. As we departed, we just hugged… But as his cloak covered me I wish he had dared to actually gave the kiss of death. He was close but only said “remember I am a call away”. I smiled… I don’t know if I blushed, but I must have… I felt young again.

Spent the whole day thinking of him… Was there something…, a charm, a spell… Maybe I have seen what I wanted to see, not reality in itself. At night, he appeared sending a message. I was too happy, something I haven’t felt in a long, long while… As we talked I dared to ask him if he believed we could have something more than a friendship. He thinks we could… I ask about the trust issue, as he knows my glory and downfall… as he was my living diary and knows me so well… And he says I always had reasons for my actions, and that he trusted me… always had… of all the people he knows I have always told him the truth on his face, no hitting around the bush… that he liked that about me very much. The conversation went away into some problems with Mary and finances… I didn’t gave much thought at the what are we gonna do now… and I realized it was midnight so I had to sleep… Hah! Sleep! A big problem in itself… How could I? I kept staring into the darkness watching the mage and his sparkling green eyes.

I heard a beep from my cel at almost 4am, and it was a message from Zordak. “I am a text away”, to which I replied “I am a thought away”. And then he said “You are in my thoughts”. I had to smile to that! And so I kept daydreaming of him simply holding me while I slept in his arms… The witch and the mage… Who would have guessed?

The world keeps turning. There is a Master Plan from the Divine, and little by little He is showing me pieces for the puzzles so I complete it. It is my call to do what I must, so I finally find happiness. I can say a few things about Zordak: He always makes me smile, he never puts me down, he is very respectful, he is responsible and he shows he cares. Perhaps the timing is right now, and the winds of change will take us closer… As I lost hope, he comes irradiating it… He is my last hope. Who knew?

I love Tril, and that won’t ever change. As Zordak’s love for Mary wont ever change… But we both need to move on if we are to live life to the fullest. Together we can heal our hearts and lives, for we understand each other… we always have… sometimes with words, sometimes without… Without trust there is no love… And trust is something sound between us… always. His care could turn our caring into something beautiful… And that chance I couldn’t let pass. What I felt at his side yesterday was something so overpowering, so beautiful… I could have sworn I felt home.

Maybe I’m finally home after all. Is it all but a dream within a dream?

And the wheel keeps turning…

10-4

Quit? Who? Me?

And I never really sleep anymore
And I always get those dangerous dreams
And I never get a minute of peace
And I gotta wonder what it means
And I gotta wonder what it means

Maybe it's nothing, and I'm under the weather
Maybe it's just one of those bugs going 'round
Maybe I'm under a spell and it's magic
Maybe there's a witch doctor with an office in town

Is this a blessing or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds or just a little cheaper than spit?

I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit

And there used to be such an easy way of living
And there used to be every hope in the world
And I used to get everything that I went after
But there never used to be this girl
But there never used to be this girl

Maybe I'm crazy, and I'm losing my senses
Maybe I'm possessed by a spirit or such
Maybe I'm desp'rate and I've got no defences
Can you get me a prescription for that one perfect touch

Is this a blessing or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
It's a stairway to heaven or a subway going down the pits

I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit

[Instrumental bridge]

Is this a blessing or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds or just a little cheaper than spit?

I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit

There was a time when nothing ever really mattered
There was a time when there was nothing I didn't know
There was a time when I knew just what I was living for
There was a time and the time was so long ago
There was a time and the time was so long ago
And I never really sleep anymore...

-MeatLoaf, It just won't quit

Wishin' and Hopin'

Wishin', and hopin', and thinkin', and prayin',
Planning and dreamin' each night of his charms.
That won't get you into his arms

So if your're looking for love you can share
All you gotta do is hold him, and kiss him, and love him,
And show him that you care.

Show him that you care, just for him.
Do the things that he likes to do.
Wear your hair just for him, 'cause,
You won't get him, thinkin' and a prayin', wishin' and hopin'.

'Cause wishin', and hopin', and thinkin', and prayin',
Planning and dreamin' his kisses will start.
That won't get you into his heart!

So if you're thinking how great true love is
All you gotta do is hold him, and kiss him, and squeeze him, and love him.
Yeah, just do it! And after you do, you will be his.

You gotta show him that you care just for him.
Do the things that he likes to do.
Wear your hair just for him, 'cause,
You won't get him, thinkin' and a prayin', wishin' and a hopin'.

'Cause wishin', and hopin', and thinkin', and prayin',
Planning and dreamin' his kisses will start.
That won't get you into his heart!

So if you're thinking how great true love is!
All you gotta do is hold him, and kiss him, and squeeze him, and love him.
Yeah, just do it! And after you do, you will be his.
You will be his. You will be his!

-AniDiFranco, Wishin’and Hopin’

Purpose

It is an impossible task trying to speak to someone who will never understand what you are saying. It is frustrating to try letting out so many words when you know everything is and will be missunderstood no matter how crystal clear you are. I am sad, it is pretty obvious... but I must assert that I am sad so I get the mandatory question of Why? Why are you sad? A question asked in a way that hurts even more than being aware that all you can truly do is bear things and be silent because they just won't understand... ever.

So Groundel asks me what was wrong. And I simply said I am sad. And he asks the mandatoy Why. And I answer Why not. Gimme a reason NOT to be sad. Just one. And he stares at me as if he didn't really understood my words... He shrinks his shoulders saying I love you. I ask Why. And it all falls in Chaos. And in the end, the Why isn't really answered... Maybe he thinks he did... But he didn't. He thinks he shows a deep love for me by his not smoking, not drinking, not screwing around and by his going to college. All of these are big sacrifices he makes in my name, to try making me happy. Somehow, the picture makes me even sadder... He doesn't believe in being good. He tries being good for me. And he is silent because that's how he is... And he gets angry and upset because people always ask him why is he so quiet, and he gets the Just because I like it, This is me, Let me be! attitude...

And it makes him angry that I dont accept him as he is, quiet, an outcast, a loner. What I want him to talk to me about? He asks me What I want to know, What I want to hear, Why I question him so much... His thoughts are always pieces of a puzzle that I will never be able to complete, because he just won't let me. And he says Sorry. And he apologizes. And that's suppossed to make things better... His apologies mean nothing to me, they are empty promises of I'll do it again and I'll be sorrier next time. No actions to make me accept that apology. No sentences... or words... An apology and silence. And anger at my trying to pry on his mind. And anger at my not accepting him as he is. And anger at his trying being good and noone notices it. And anger at his being born. Anger at existing. Simple anger.

All I wanted was to let out my frustration and sadness... All I wanted was to hear an Everything will be fine, You are not alone... And perhaps someone to hold me and say I'm here always. But no, that is a piece of heaven not made for me. The focus on my sadness is lost on his anger... and I simply don't feel supportive anymore. I just looked away through the clearness of the window, watching how light faded into darkness as rain poured gently... Lovely raindrops... Lovely music... Lovely opportunity for lovers to get together and renew old vows... Not for me. Not a second can be for me. Time can never stop to grant me a moment of bliss. Music never meant for me to dance... Lovely evenings or lovely moments were not meant for me. I cried in silence... Lovely how birds follow each other and flock together in a grand dance as they soar in the sky... Lovely mist rise from the ground as water meets earth... I only deserve anger. I only deserve disdain. I only deserve neglect. I only deserve ignorance. I only deserve pain.

I think of the beauty that is granted in each human life... and I see the further I walk into the path of time, the more it defies my will to be alive. I knew true love once just by closing my eyes and sensing it... Now I cannot tell what is love anymore. An ongoing pain has taken away the luster of probabilities... How can any trust be mended if you are not given the chance to know everything? And I know I give everything... to no one truly deserving... as right now no one makes me think of happiness and shiny stars... All the gifts I've received have been betrayal, lies and false promises. They call it love. Rip my heart to pieces and burn it in a pyre if that is so. I may not sense what love is anymore, but I am certain that is all I have ever given, completely, without questions, without second thoughts, without deceit, without care for my self. And I have been punished for it... for more than 15 years... by all whom I have dared to love...

Everything pass... so it is said... but somehow in my life everything is ongoing, and no matter how much I try to make the right I get the wrong... I am still to understand my purpose for this... for living... My only faith is in God. My only comfort is that sooner or later, we all die. I wish that I could say I've lived my life to the fullest... Somehow, I don't see that fate in my path. Peace, Love, Happiness, Home... Beautiful ideas, shattered realities.

I'll never fall in love again

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, he'll never phone you.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

Don't tell me what is all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out,
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You get enough tears to fill an ocean
That's what you get for your devotion.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow.
So, for at least until tomorrow,
I'll never fall in love again!
I'll never fall in love again!

-Mary Chapin Carpenter, I'll never fall in love again

How deep is your Love?

I know your eyes in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
And the moment that you wander far from me
I wanna feel you in my arms again
And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love and then softly leave
And it's me you need to show ....

How deep is your love? (how deep is your love?)
I really need to learn
'Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
You're the light in my deepest darkest hour
You're my saviour when I fall
And you may not think
I care for you
When you know down inside
That I really do
And it's me you need to show ....

How deep is your love? (how deep is your love?)
I really need to learn
'Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

How deep is your love? (how deep is your love?)
I really need to learn
'Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me
How deep is your love? (how deep is your love?)

-Saturday Night Fever, BeeGees, How deep is your love

Wisdom...

A wise old man told me today... If a nail is stuck in your shoe and it bothers you, without any thoughts just pull it out and dismiss it. No one learns, and sometimes you just have to go on, because of you. I've been crying for a while, but that advise says many things... and maybe is very right. An end is called for, an end that will break me forever. But I must go on.

Empty

Feeling: Empty. A big cold void has taken grasp of my soul, and it has sucked away all that used to make me feel I had the desire to go on. Now, I simply feel in a state that is neither tangible nor ethereal… I find no words can describe the disappointment, the grief, the loss, the despair, the betrayal, the disbelief, the cumbersome weight that everything leaves on me… The sum of all scars leaves my flesh as a mangled road map, impossible to read… All the wonders being blurred by marks that should not have been there but were, all the beauty blurred by shadows that are inexistent but that people insist on making them real.

Wanting: Shelter, a place to really call home. Home is where the heart is… Where is my heart but in a desert without any hint of relief… I have a house in the making, but its still not a home. It will become my Fortress of Solitude, so it seems… just that there will be no voices of wisdom to remind me of how loved I was… I have never been loved. Me existence was an imposed consequence of marriage, and I was such a burden that I had to be raised by others but my blood parents. And then, I was the burden that caused a divorce… And then I was the burden that was not really necessary, but that was excellent to solve problems… And then I was the ingrate sparrow that taps in the eyes of its helper… And finally I am the hypocrite leech that sucks on everything and wanted to take all for herself… Where is the love? I am no one’s pride and joy, no one talks about me with a smile on their face because I am good. No one really gives a damn about my little so-called accomplishments… Everyone graduates… Everyone works… Everyone eats and shits… Nothing special about me… No reason to hug me or kiss me, ever. What’s the point, as I have no feelings, as I am an automaton raised as a pretty machine that only fed on knowledge and properness. A machine that has many broken pieces, that is too odd to be fixed, that is better to ignore or dispose of because is no further value… So I shall dwell in a Fortress of Solitude, reminiscing on the not so pretty past that keeps laughing at me, at my pathetic life and existence…

Needing: Love. And I mean love in the purest, simplest way it can be described. Love as the one you show with a kiss on the frown. Love as the one you express with a warm pat on your back. Love that you feel in the warmth of a look, of a touch, of a poem… A reason to wake up and thank God for life, a reason to sleep at nights certain you need not worry because in the end Love is everything that matters… Love to soothe the harshness of everyday, to inspire, to allow my spirit to breathe and fly. Love that never dies…

Getting: A laugh in my face, as my whole life seems a joke to everyone. I have given all: money, love, friendship, faith, belief, truth… No one has been kind enough to return the favor. Through the years more thorns appear around my heart, binding it and drowning it in its own blood. My faith in humankind is gone. My belief in the greater good is jaded. My belief in True Love is non existent. Truth is not an interest of humanity, who simply dwells on in lies and more lies. Faith is an antique that has no luster and no place in these times of lust and personal gain… Money seems the answer to everything, and it is a needful thing… but how much it hardens people… how much it changes people… Friendship has become a mirage of what should be with a core of lies… What is left?

Wishing: For Freedom. For Peace. For Truth. For Faith. For Loyalty. For Love.For True Friends For True Love. For Home. I still believe in fairies, but they don’t believe in me… I still long for a family that I will never have. I still believe you should live righteously so you never have to look away from another’s eyes… but the world doesn’t really want to look into my eyes. I still think I am not completely alone, but I feel alone no matter what I do, no matter where I go, no matter who is at my side… I wish for silence in my thoughts, for beauty in my life, for a soft wind taking away all the tears that blurrs my sight…

Hoping: There is no hope anymore. Hope died on me, without completing its quest… It left me incomplete, it left me without will and without inspiration, it left me mute and sightless, and heartless… My arms were extended to the world and all it had to offer… And so I was petrified in that stance, a mockery of all I wanted… An eternal requiem that should allow memory to remember what was, what became… There is no hope.


"Empty"

Something has left my life,
And I don't know where it went to, ah, ha, ha.
Somebody caused me strife,
And it's not what I was seeking.

Didn't you see me, didn't you hear me?
Didn't you see me standing there, ah, ha, ha?
Why did you turn out the lights?
Did you know that I was sleeping?

Say a prayer for me,
Help me to feel the strenght, I did.
My identity, has it been taken?
Is my heart breakin' on me?

All my plans fell thought my hands,
They fell thought my hands on me.
All my dreams it suddenly seems,
It suddenly seems,
Empty, i, i, i
Empty, i, i, i
Empty, i, i, i
Empty, i, i, i
Empty, i, i, i
Empty, i, i, i
Empty, i, i, i

-Cranberries, Empty