Ch8 Spoke too soon...

Dissapointed, so what’s new about that? I wish people would see me as something so important in their lives… but instead things always get the other side… I think of them as so important, and they keep on letting me down, letting me feel empty. One by one, let’s do the numbers…

Alex… The best friend that calls only so I tell him what to eat, who is absent most of the time, who always have things to do and find many excuses not to share time with me…

Gilbert… The greatest nothing that’s ever happened to me. He loves me so much that he calls me to say he’ll call me later… WTF? And then a week or two passes and then he calls to say the same… And to mention the female friends he has… And to say that he wants ME to meet them… WTF? And he never makes decisions in my favor, but always do what his friends ask of him… It’s always a thing about HIS friends…and his girl friends…

Steve… His priorities and mine are so aloof… He never sees what is in his face… and it makes me mad. I hate he believes so much in his stupidity that he acts stupid because of it. His never-ending anger is another reason to kill him off. Video games are more important for him than me, that is plain clear.

None of them is there for me when I need someone. I’m always aching, in despair, lonely… ignored, abandoned… I feel sad and helpless… None of them is the one with whom I should share my life forever. Because when you love you give everything, and I have… And none of them have returned the favor. None. They all deserve each other.

Ch 7.5 After the rain...

I was pleased last night as Gil made an effort to treat me well. He called me up to invite me to dinner, and he took me to Denny’s. We enjoyed a nice conversation, nice dinner, laughed at the Texan music, joked about that, and took off without arguing. Then he treated me to ice cream, and then I left him in his house.

Brief, nice, refreshing. He says he got a contract as a roady with the band Red from Anda Pa’l Cará… Let’s see how that goes… He was quite full of pride about it. After all, it is the kind of job he has always wanted. He says that it will be 3 days weekly on low season, can be up to 7 days on high season... Who knows. Maybe he can actually be good at it and keep the job, for a change. He looked happy and fulfilled. That's a difference.

HE mentioned that he was happy because he finally made true a promise he made a long time ago: To take me to dine at Denny's with his own money. The scene got blurred as I got teleported to the past, to the times of college, sci-fi and anime randomness... We passed by Denny's and he said: "Someday I will bring you there and we will have fun, and I will treat you as you deserve". So... Someday was yesterday night. It touched me, even if I didn't show it. I am mad at him, and he knows. So I am ice cold to him. But yes, inside, it touched me. It was nice that he remembered...