A glimpse into darkness...

No words can tell the complete tale. No words can summarize events and feelings and actions and consequences... But among all the images a blink can create, this is just one of them. A glimpse into my darkness...

It oppresses my heart, and it feels as if something squeezes my throat as it won’t let go ever… and it just wants to take me into its oblivion. Not in control, always the target, the victim… powerless to do anything, shamed, bruised, hurt, submitted… I see the child, the young woman, the adult… How the wheel turns around, always going in the same direction, never stopping, always maiming who I am, who I dreamt I could be. No family. No friends. No love. It squeezes my throat and as I close my eyes a dagger plunges into my heart over, and over, and over… It doesn’t go away. It stands over me, as I lay in the floor, blood quenching the thirst from the earth. It watches as light goes out from my eyes, as I become dull and feel no more… waiting to actually destroy that sweet idea of death… It bears many faces, speaks with many voices… It takes me at will, reaping what is left of a bleeding heart, devouring half of it with its sharp teeth then pushing the remains into my mouth, into my throat so I gag with it. Have a heart. Eat it. Let it take your last breath, bitch.

One of so many images… Lovely movies that turn as It wants to provoke my rage and my wrath… which are irrational and deadly. It is a second of loss, a glitch, a portal to many lives past that merge into one image that pretends to take the place of the present. It had so many plans for me… Nevermore.

A hex that comes and takes many things with it… It has always been so… I won’t let you do so anymore. I won’t let you, all of you. Try it, keep trying, harder, meaner, throw all the Evil you have at me… Go ahead. Break me. Try it. I am not the useless weakling you knew once. And I have many ways of proving it. All you can get are some old tears, and all you can do to me is create pity within me. Enjoy my sadness, as it is all I can give you. As it is all you will take from me. Beware. I will battle you all to death as I know I will win. Try me. You will stop this game, you will stop the play, you will stop once and for all. Do you understand? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

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And now back to present and forever...

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