After a whole week finale saw G. For what it’s worth… I didn’t felt like being sweet and supportive, and he was complaining about that. He tried kissing me and I didn’t let him. He was upset, because his mind makes him think I am doing something else with everyone else… (sight) It all ended with me getting out of his house crying, as usual. He didn’t went after me. He didn’t call me. I arrived to throw myself in my bed and simply cry… because there’s nothing else I can do. Cry… and cry… and cry… So what’s new… I feel like it is a neverending story of pain. I love G, but he kills my feelings with his stupidity and nonsense. I need to shut myself from feeling so I go on doing what I must in my life… Getting the house… Painting… Love drains me. The effort of feeling and thinking and having details and talking is completely draining… and I am tired… Why see him when his attitude will always be the same… his words and demeanor doesn’t change… For him I am the evil one, I am wrong, nothing can change that… And it hurts me so deeply…

I am hurt because I am no one’s priority. I am hurt because no one has details with me. I am hurt because no one makes me remember that I am a woman, that I am alive, that there are so many wonderful things… I am hurt because I am so transparent, yet no one sees me as truthful and beautiful. I am constantly misunderstood, constantly taken for granted, constantly forgotten… I wish that would change. I wish I could feel love, and be loved and worshiped forever… I am tired of crying… I am tired of feeling numb. I am tired of being rejected. If only all changes could come true…