Contradictions

Stv: Spent the whole Saturday with him. Morning and afternoon and movies at night. It all was good, unexpeted, beautiful... And it ended with his going away once more. I cried. I cannot go on with this. I die every time he turns his back and leaves me. I think I have a place that I no longer have... I am so childlike and foolish, bekieving he can love me... believing he can be the man I dreamed he could be... believing I can be all he wants... I am no longer in his list of priorities. I am the one that is there... waiting... a ghost. He will let time pass, and he will forget the memory of me... He will go on without me. And I... I will fade into nothingness... This is my reward for loving inconditionally. This is my reward after so many years of putting up with his hitting me, his fights, his personality shifts, his carelessness and his demons. In the end, I am tossed aside.

Gil: Cold. Really cold. I feel nothing. He tries once a week to do something nice, but he doesnt get once a week is childs play. It is not enough. Maybe its all hes got, but it aint filling what I need. I am a woman now. I am sorry that I cannot play the game anymore. Missed chance. Everything doesnt matter anymore.

Luis: God! He pushed himself swiftly towards the cliff, and jumped to a frefall of death. Since I said no to his subtle invitation for a getaway... meaning having sex for 3 days somewhere in the island... he lashed at me saying Im a tomboy and un-feminine. Well... Since that was his conclusion I just erased him easily of my friends list. I may be many things but I am a complete woman.

Feeling: I feel bad. Tired. Sick. The turmoil taxed me. The way things turned out, the ending with Stv... It is too unbearable. I dont understand his distress. I dont understand why he can go on as if nothing happenned and I cant. I dont understand how he can live without me when I cannot live without him. I cannot understand how he cannot say he loves me, while I love him so... I'm loosing my breath in this vendabal... I'm loosing my strenght and my will to live. Sad... Love dies. Love is not eternal. Love is such a fragile child. Love... Kills.