Waiting

Yesterday he was going to his friend house, to play some cards. Ok. That was gonna be early… So after dark I waited… Yes, I actually waited… Why? Because on Saturday we made love, and all in all he said things would get better, and I believed him… And so I waited… Midnight arrived… The small gathering must have been something. He didn’t have time to pass by… He had to go fast and report to his new family… No time to call me… From where, he has no phone… Tomorrow is his birthday. He’ll come tomorrow. And with that thought I slept… Holding dearly to a jacket that belonged to him… And I dreamed of him.

So today arrived. I felt happy, and got ready for I knew he would appear by midday… Midday came and went… And I waited. Its his birthday… They must have bought him a cake or something… His new family… He must be playing that new game he bought… I waited. The afternoon passed… Could it be he had work today? But he didn’t call me… He would have… Nah, he must be playing… He’ll arrive at 6. And so, I waited. The time passed away… 6, 7, 8… He’s not coming.

Slowly I undress myself, taking off that special corsé… Taking of that special goth makeup… He’s not coming… And so arrived 9 and 10… And no one opened the door. And no one smiled and embraced me… Happy birthday… My love… Because I do love you… Not even a birthday wish can I give now…

And here I am… Cannot eat, cannot sleep… All I do is ache. All I do is think of how foolish I am, believing where no belief exists, expecting to be important when I am no more… Loving when all he did was sex. That’s all I am now… Just an object to look for when in need, but not the lover and companion with whom a commitment existed… An object… That loves… And never receives even an I love you from those she has loved… An object that breathes... And waits...