Silence and rings

Sti has not called. I called him on Tuesday and he just said hes been doing nothing else besides working and watching local tv at his mother's house... Somehow I dont believe that. His being so close to old acquaintances in Dulce Labios worries me to death. His being close to where all whores dwell worries me to death. His knowing where Katia lives worries me to death. Knowing nothing about him, no truth, no actions... it is driving me insane. It is digging a grave to the little trust I had in him. I expected that he would at least blog his wherabouts, but nothing... Always silent... The thoughts, a big mistery... And with each passing day I see that he has no love left for me and he just cannot say it. No love at all. I am just a friend, perhaps the only friend he has left in the island... only a friend... And it is time I accept that fact. I gave a deadline for myself to accept his return. I think 2 weeks are more than enough to think things well. If by Sunday he has not returned, I won't accept him. It will be painful, but there would be no point for accepting him back... These two weeks have wounded me in a way that all other things have not. I thought I would always have him there... that he was my family... and I was wrong. The outcome is quite evident... but two more days for a final veredict.

Gil has been calling dayly with the same stupid question: Is he back? Have you seen him? No? Bye. Deep conversations... (sight) At least yesterday he didnt ask. Anyway, what's the point? Seems he's got a handful between school and work, and he has no time for me. It is so difficult to speak for 5 minutes... I just have nothing to say or think about him. I feel numb right now.

Alex... has been missing in action. I know he has problems of his own, and it's quite selfish to think he would try mending every wound I have... Somehow it hurt me that he didnt try to pass by to see me last week, knowing how bad I was... Even Maria showed up on Friday night to take me out of the house... I expect too much of my friends... And those that I dont consider close do even more than the ones I call best friends... Why is he lagging on me? I guess he fears i would try to strike back with the same question I pop yearly... No Alex. I wouldn't ask that anymore. I am too wounded to destroy myself even further.

Havent heard of Arturo or Steven. Will try reaching them tomorrow, to exchange books. A pity a good thing had come to a sudden end... as sudden as it began. I have to confess I really liked Arturo. I dont know if that could have lead somewhere... but facts goes against everything. We didnt even have time to get to know each other. So... Not even a friend. A pity...

I feel lonely, alone, tired, sad. But I smile. The show must go on.