Dicotomía

Stv: Since I found how to take the USPS he also went to take it with me. Barely… His interest in studying is completely lagged and annoying… He has to transfer to la Católica since he has no car to go to Cabo Rojo… And he needs a transcript to do the change, which he has been mentioning for more than a week… What can I say/think? Irresponsible. Always. As usual. And focuses on problems, not on looking for solutions, or creative solutions… I am getting fed up… Its like today’s morning… I didn’t fight because I knew we had to take the test and we needed to be in our best moods… Well, at least I know I was… He woke up with the long face, mad/angry at whatever… Making gestures at whatever… Being mad at the kitties and at his own shadow… His attitude is bad. His outlook on life is bad. About the house I want he commented that having it is far, that it is hopeless to keep trying to get it… I don’t need negativity around me. I need creative solutions. I am pissed at him, at everything he has done… erm… nothing? I don’t get it. His behavior with me has not changed a bit. He has no sense of romance or details, period. He cannot communicate because he just doesn’t want to, and then he complaints I am nosy or that I fight too much… Maybe if he were not an oyster I would not fight… Nothing changed. His desire for change may be there, but sitting still and wishing makes no man great… the good Lord sends the fishing but you must dig the bait…

Gil: Will graduate by December. Finishing his classes by the end of Sept… Seems content in a way… He wants to show me all he has changed and complaints I give him no chance to do so… It may be true… He wants to share much with me… I know he ain’t lying, it’s just that somedays I stand him and other days I want to break his neck… I cannot help it… Last outing at Ponderosa was really nice. I had to let go of being mad and being an egomaniac in order to give him a chance… It was not an easy task, because every comment moves me towards being bitchy. Because he deserves it. It aint easy trying to play with a blank canvas as base… because the canvas has 15 years of diverse paintings that have been painted over and over and over… Whatever.

Taz: Hopefully I will meet him this weekend, on Sunday. I am not making any decitions about him until I meet him. That’s all I know.

Feeling: Tired. Achy. Tired… Still not in the mood for dreaming.