Numb

Last night was argument night with Steve. He doesn't get what upsets me, takes everything personal and ends up offending me greatly. Hmmm… Just like Gilberto… Damn, they are both so alike, even in that. They are both big mounds of self doubt and hopelessness. The only difference may be that Steve doesn't stalk me, and Gilberto stalks and questions every move I make. Honestly, I'm getting tired of both things. I want to make a sound decision about my life, and it seems that neither can be involved because they both disrupt who I am and the things I want to achieve. And they both lack a big half that the other has… Gilberto is all about feelings and being expressive… he's a walking bilboard. Steve is all about being without humanity, silent and moody. Me, I'm about both things, being expressive and moody, giving no explanations just being. (sight) I'm at the end of my rope. I have no tolerance or patience left in me. I am too dissapointed, too mad, too angry at how things are… There is no love. There is no other half for me. There is no companion, no husband, no family… I better accept that reality… Seems I have a path that must be walked alone.