I'm pissed. There is absolutely no sense of responsibility in Stv. He just goes through life, living the spur of the moment and nothing more. He is not interested in studying. He is not interested in getting a job. Those two facts are starting to stick in my brain making me even more mad and cold towards him. It angers me that I screw myself doing all the things I do and that I have to be in charge of his life as well… I feel no love. It is a mother-son sick relationship that must come to an end. Dec 31 2005, last date for big decisions. If it is Stv he has to prove his worth and sincerely I don't see it happening. And from Gil, I don't see it happening either. If none is the right choice, that's the date I give myself to go take that final decision for once and for all. I am tired of all this gambling and letting life run through my fingers. So far, no one has given me anything… respect, time, love… I don't get any from them. And I am tired. I am not certain if there is anyone out there for me, but if he is… he must be far and away because here there is nothing or no one worthy of me. I though Alex was, and his latest Colombian exploits proved me wrong. Not even him.