It's beginning. Stv started playing Star wars and now that will be a new thing that will come between us… because his friends also want him to play Werewolf and Dungeons… While he gets involved on that, he forgets he is supposed to study and find a job. So… I am tired of this shit. My caring for him has many limits, and seems I can't reconcile things with him if we are not just friends. If I am not to get anoyed, I cannot be involved. I want to retreat from his life. He doesn't really need me, that is a gríngola that I have been wearing because he lets me wear it out of what is convenient for him. That's how I see it. It is very convenient to have me around because I get food and provide a place where he can play games. I don't see anything else blossoming between us. I feel no love, but an impossed responsibility that is wearing me down. I feel no joy when I see him. I only see a constant presence that is there because he has nothing else to do, not because he loves me.

And Gil, no matter how mad I get at him, his voice makes e feel wanted. His eyes warm me up inside, I feel as if I belonged… But that is another case of "I wont work because Im an anarkist"… And I am tired of feeding leeches. I admit that I feel good whenever he is around, because he makes me feel like a woman. I feel pretty when he looks at me. I feel special. But feelings cannot make up for everything else. So, the cloud pops out and reality sets in and I stop the dream before it even starts…

Tired. Jaded. Bitter. Won't trust. Won't dream. Playing a solo harmony.