The watcher… Trying not to interfere and just to let everything and everyone go with their own flow… Trying to feel nothing as things happen while they stay the same. I wonder if my self awareness is so elevated that the “me” factor is inevitable… I wonder if I am so wrong when thinking all I believe in is right. Seems the whole world is wrong. Seems the whole world is careless and free willing and whatever. Am I the only one that thinks about the what if’s, about the alternatives? Am I the only one with the altruistic goals and desire for challenge and change?
I am so out of place… I feel completely out of place, and each passing day only confirms that fact. This place makes me so sad and unhappy. Being treated as if I were worthless makes me so unhappy. Being put down and ignored makes me so unhappy. Working among so many mundane things makes me so unhappy… I hate knowing I was born to do great things, but these great things have not been revealed to me yet… and each passing minute I doubt even more that my whole life situation will change, that I will win the challenged life… I plan, I have vision, I have courage… but I don’t have the charisma, I’m not a people’s person and that is my greatest flaw. And the worst is that I don’t mind… But it is a people’s world… It is not who you are, but who you know. And I know no one. I live in a bubble. The time to make friends and get to know people is gone… Now I can only get to know co-workers that are simple minded and that you don’t really want to get to know. Outside that world, what can I do?
I’m alienated from this society one way or the other. Each day I hate my life more and more… Consequently I hate the people that live within it, people that completely take me for granted and that although I place a high value on them, they place little value on me. It is right, I’m drow after all. And it seems that no matter how much I speak of things or believe in things, nothing goes my way. And I am tired of that. It is killing me.
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