Here I am , laying awake in my coffin, thinking about what to do with my afterlife...
Stv has improved in ways of trying to reach me. He's trying to earn my attention, but after the argument about the invitations pictures I am way off with the whole concept. I want to be a free soul right now, I have lost my believe in marriage. And the black hole within me takes into it every breath of hope...
G called, and swears love and eternal flames and all the smoochy crappy stuff. I wish I could believe. But I feel dead inside... Dead...
I don't know what to do in matters of how both want to approach me. They both believe I love, they both want to be with me forever, and this happens just after I flip and renounce to love and hope and trust. And when I renounced I meant it. I feel no joy, I feel no truth... I simply feel nothing for them, but contempt... I can only smile politely but say nothing because I lost belief... And how can I gain THAT back?
Here I lay in my coffin, very still, watching the spider create its web, feeling the ground and the worms all around trying to get in. My body doesn't move. My hands ogainst each other as if in a calm stance... Here I lay, and I close my eyes, and focus on my own fading heartbeat... It dies away, little by little... And then I am no more.
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