Ice

Gilberto seems in a good mood now, in a way I guess... One day he's disrespectful, the next day he's peachy. His insanity and bipolarity are very very anoying... I admit I enjoy it very much when he's not stupid... he even makes me feel young and full of life... But that's a mirage. I know... I can't stop loving him even if I must suck it up and show no feelings... I must be the Ice Queen even if inside it feels like a volcano of emotions... It is for the best...

Sti has been looking for a job the last 3 days. Finally, after 4 months of doing absolutely nothing... Things in his familys house aint good, even light was cut... Yesterday he appeared at work without having breakfast or lunch. It touches my heart, but I cannot help any further... And in matters of feeling, I am feeling numb to any kind of affection besides friendship. I dont see any spark between us... And I know that he tries... he claims he loves me... it's just that after all these years that acknowledgement is a bit hard to believe in full... Let him keep trying...

Maybe the problem with my mess is that my heart has hardened... and I just trust noone, and I just stopped believing in love... I don't know who to believe, whom to follow... I am lost... And it's very lonely this road...